What is Sex & Sexuality, Anyway?
For almost a century, New Age Sex has been a confusing subject for many.
For most of us, when we were in pubescent years we might have wondered…How does this sex thing work, anyway? What do I do? How come my teachers are scaring the crap out of me about this baby nonsense? What is an STD anyway? What does it feel like? Or oh, that’s gross!
If your reading this and thinking “Yup, that was me,” than you’re not alone. Many of us didn’t know what sex was, how to do it, or what could happen as a result because frankly most of our parents didn’t teach us about sex, never the less about what romance was or how to maintain emotional intimacy in a relationship. So, we learned from commercials, movies, from our immature friends, from teachers or preachers who discouraged any sexuality at all, and from generalized societal norms about what sex and sexuality was supposed to be. Of course, none of that is the real truth, as we have become acculturated to believe that sex is deviant, shameful, and unilaterally lacks emotional depth.
Then the ominous high school years hit and for the most part we may have “thought” we had a handle on the Sex thing, but honestly, we didn’t. All we knew is that our hormones were racing and we wanted attention, now! We wanted to be liked, to fit in, and the peer pressure of it all, honestly, may have made our heads spin. But, of course, we would never admit that, right? Our defense mechanisms at this stage in life are so primed to either rebel or get insane approval through people pleasing; and perhaps some were more well-rounded but either way we all had some major recalibrating left to do in relationship to our own sexuality.
Then college hit and maybe we meet a college sweetheart or perhaps we just decided college is all about the hook-ups! Either way, we tried to figure how to have what they used to call back then, Game! But to no avail, even if you had Game, you were still nowhere near figuring out how to maintain romance and intimacy. However, you might have been really good at ruffling up some drama, maybe some temperamental jealousy, some fighting, some cat and mouse games, maybe even some good old-fashioned ego jousting. Does that sound even a little bit familiar?
Then we graduate college and we are sent off into the real world. What, I thought that was the real world! Turns out, it’s not, and we realize all over again that we have even more growing to do interpersonally and then…yup, that’s right, we get married or co-habitat with a mate. To start, the relationship starts hot and heavy and your making love almost daily for the first 6 months to a year and then good old-fashioned complacency sets. At this point you’ve likely had your first handful of fights or disagreements and then the family of origin triggers come up and insecure and anxious projection is set a sail. Sooner than later most couples, yes even happy couples, find themselves in a bit of quick sand, some sinking faster than others.
And on top of that we are supposed to be this amazing lover, with this amazing sex drive, and all you can think about is WOW, I am really not normal!
All the while our relationship with sex, sexuality, and intimacy is so far off in the background that we may not even be privy to it. We have been wondering quite aimlessly around, subconsciously unaware, of how to maintain a deeper level of emotional intimacy and sexuality with ourselves and with our partners. In this stage, we often get lost in emotional triggers, in our egocentric selves, in our unconscious patterns that our families and society have programmed us with. And again, we are still nowhere closer to addressing our own sexual blocks and then we have kids! Or maybe not…but either way life is throwing you lemons and you’re thinking how come I wasn’t prepared for this? And the answer to that is because it is not mainstream for us to talk about sex or sexuality. Sure, we watch it, everywhere! But where is maintaining emotional and sexual intimacy actually taught, right?
I was never exposed to the relationship secrets about how to maintain emotional and sexual intimacy until I was in my early 30’s and I was going to school to become a couples and relationship expert. I realized at that moment that other couples may not be aware of how society, our families, and our relationship expectations with ourselves and others truly informs us at the core. I am a firm believer, after close to 10 years of working with couples from different cultures around the world, that we all have sexuality work to do in order to break through, up-level, and recalibrate our intimate relationships.
Sexuality is our source energy and we aren’t tapping into our source energy as often as we should as couples are still tainted by the socially constructed version of sexuality; which lacks color, imagination, definitely fun. Our sexuality is our creativity and our imagination, yet, so many couples are stuck in not allowing that release of energy and instead get busy finding excuses, rejecting, or resisting the full veracity of sex and what is means to powerfully step into the full expression of your own sexuality.
Sexuality and sex is where the sacred feminine births life from; the union of a man and a woman is a special dance that continues the survival of humanity. It is the sacred feminine and masculine energies of stillness and action that perpetuate our sex drives, while simultaneously allowing both our shadow and light sides to bubble to the surface. Our dark sides may represent insecurities, failed attempts, theories about lack, or our expectations of love which again, all get projected onto our sexuality and our partner without any clear discerning answer about… What is Sex & Sexuality, Anyway?
Sex is a physical, spiritual, and emotional bond between two people. Sex is the space between which words are not needed to transcend a connection. It is our source energy, Mother Gaia; the universal connection to all that is alive. It is our birth and our daily rebirth if we so choose. The unified orgasm is the highest level of self-expression, creativity, and deep connection between two people. Sexuality is not shame, anxiety, fear, power, control, or objectification. It is pure, it is love, it is life, it is the most visceral representation of your humanity. It is energy, pure energy.
Sex will invigorate you and your partner by recalibrating the purest energy between the two of you; which is love. Sex and sexuality are blessings in our lives; yet many of us are not tapping into that blessing and we need to. As a people, we need to redefine it, turn it on it’s head, and make our own relationship with sex/sexuality so it can be whatever YOU will it to be. For those of you who are looking to deepen your emotional intimacy and revamp your relationship with sexuality go to Couples E-Courses tab for more information on the First Research Based Communication and Intimacy E-Course for couples, which I created just for you. Follow us on Facebook and Subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and Google Play: TABOO Talk Time with Dr. Eva. Please contact Dr. Eva for therapeutic services in Fort Lauderdale, Fl. at 754-245-1424